There was no wolf like him. Grand and strong, he eloquently walked through his natural territory full of beautiful trees and wild animals. Although he loved his pack to an immeasurable degree, he preferred to be alone. Being alone, he would howl. Howl for the universal pain that resided in him, feeling somehow caged by the boundaries of his existence. Knowing that his attachments to this form had to be released to finally really become part of the pack, even though he could never really belong to the pack. He knew that. Intuitively felt in his bones that he was meant to be alone.
Wodan, they called him, which sounded fierce enough for the form he represented. Wodan contained a marvelous blend of apparently strange contradictory characteristics. He was a dreamer, loved to abide in the magnificent creations of his mind, while also being grounded, feeling his paws touch the ground with every step he took. He sometimes felt weak and vulnerable and sometimes fearless beyond words. He was loving, caring for his wife, kids and family pack, while also being highly aggressive at times. Fortunately, he managed to contain his aggressive nature in the deep dark of his psyche. Deeply regretting himself for acting out, he taught himself to contain this powerful force and to bury it deep inside of him.
Sometimes he would wake up in the middle of the night, feeling the natural power of his wolf form flowing through him to an almost uncontainable degree. When the sun set and the Moon became the dominant force in the wide sky, Wodan felt a strong urge to bite, to attack, to shred to pieces whatever form he would come into contact with. And often, that was his own wife. It became harder and harder to contain his natural essence, his deeply buried feelings and desires knocking at the ever weakening door. He desired freedom from shackles, although he didn’t even know what these shackles were. He desired love and affection, playfulness and solidity, sex and safety. He desired to touch the Moon and make it shine and to walk the earth and feel it grow underneath him. And to share his experiences with the world, as the world sharing it with itself. And to live life, including everything what life had to offer. Not even excluding nothing.
One day, strolling through the dark woods looking for fresh meat to devour, he came across a lake. And on that lake, Wodan saw his own reflection, illuminated by the radiance of the Moon which was close to perfect fullness. Above his own reflection the Moon appeared, ever so beautiful as Wodan had an intimate personal bond with the celestial being that appeared above him. Now though, there were two of them. One in the lake, one above and one reflection of his own image. And in that extraordinarily ordinary sight, it dawned on Wodan. It dawned that his form was merely an appearance, that the reflection in the lake was merely an appearance. That even the image of the Moon high up in the dark sky was nothing more than an appearance. Appearances appearing in an apparent reality, yet appearing so real. In that moment, Wodan was finally freed from his shackles, although his imagination what freedom would be was nothing like the actual experience of it. From that moment, every touch, every sight and every sound filled Wodan with deep gratitude as it was a recognition of himself. Seeing the Moon, he would celebrate his aliveness with it. Being it. Feeling the coldness of the lake, he would howl in agony and joy, knowing that he couldn’t possibly break as he found unbreakability in being broken.
`What was dead is not dead anymore, what is alive is never born´ chanted the elderly forest trees while Wodan walked through the forest on his night strolls, nodding in agreement. During the night, Wodan reflected on his life and realised that even his strong desire for freedom was an appearance. A subtle and sometimes not so subtle calling from what appeared to be this white round celestial being, intriguing him to find out the meaning of his relationship with it. During every night, the Moon slowly whispered: “you are not what you think you are, you are just as much me as I am you”. And Wodan would wake up, confused and somewhat terrified by the strangeness that unfolded in his dreams. But now, he understood. Thus, it was time for him to release his deeply buried emotions to the entirety that he knew himself to be. Because he knew that the world could take it. And he knew that he could take the suffering of the world.