As a child of a born entrepreneur, investor and profession hoarder I know what greed feels like.
Never having enough, never having anything to give because there is none to give. It is a poisoning shadow, a contracting force that induces separation. It creates the illusion of ownership, a real person owning a real material object outside of one. Meaning to give one a feeling of greater richness, because it now belongs to and defines who one is. It is a collective shadow strengthened by our capitalistic understanding that economic growth, an ever greater consumption of our planet’s natural resources, is positive and should be pursued at all costs. It greater defines our human might as being separate, not part of, this wonderful planet we live on. That we, as god-like beings, are the givers of meaning to this universe full of soulless objects. To most of us humans, meaning comes from growth, which we naturally define as more. More knowledge, more power, more possessions as it inflates one’s identity and ever strengthens the feeling of being more than the other. Being apart from the other. Being apart from the universe.
“Greed fears wholeness. it fears that the identity that it tries to retain breaks when it gives out of generosity”.
To label greed as something bad would be unhelpful, as it is a deep force within all of us wanting to be felt and heard. It shouts that it needs more, so that we can finally feel whole. It cries that one shouldn’t give freely, as there is so little that we can spare. It is constantly reinforcing our identity as being real, separate, needing something from the outside world to feel whole. What is it that greed fears? The simple answer would be the confining feeling of shortage, but is that not how greed itself feels? Greed fears wholeness, it fears that the identity that it tries to retain breaks when it gives out of generosity. Giving loosens the boundaries between one and the other. It does not need anything, it is already whole, knowing that what is given will be returned. Just like a flower gives nectar to a bee and a bee fertilises the flower, giving is simply the universe loving itself.
Can we then welcome this part of ourselves as well? Greed, one of the shadows of being human, wanting to be felt, wanting to be embraced. Feeling the contracted nature of shortage, of never having enough completely. Experiencing greed completely defines wholeness and that could well be a door towards generosity. Towards loosening up to what you truly are, the universe in human form. Not as a person living on this planet, but as a person being the planet, being the whole, feeling its profound and intelligent soul pervading your experience with every breath you take. Loving the other as you love yourself. Is giving not a natural consequence of that?
So here I am, giving you this essay while promising to myself that I will nod to the universe in recognition and gratitude of what I am, not even excluding nothing. Which means I even include a massive error I made a couple of days ago (happened after I wrote the exploration above). As a crypto explorer, I transferred quite a large sum of stable coins having the same worth as US dollar from one platform to the other. However, as it took longer and longer for the funds to arrive, I checked my broker’s account and realized I made a huge mistake. I selected a network for the transaction that was incompitable with my broker’s account, meaning that the entire sum of money is LOST.
The feelings that arose after the fact were intense to say the least, flashbacks occurred of child-like vulnerability after I just crashed the car I paid with my hard-earned money and I felt physically sick. But all of it, really all of it, was and still* is included in this entirety of experience. And God, how beautiful to even feel this intensity flowing through me, knowing it is also me.
Have you ever suffered a big financial loss? How was that for you? If you want to share, do comment on Substack. I will reply. Thank you for reading!
*(happened the day before I wrote this final part)
The Dutchies reading this know this image well! It is a commercial by the Netherland’s biggest grocery chain, which beautifully summarizes Greed: “Big discounts, so stock big” or more beautifully described in Dutch: “Hamsterèèèèn!